Oscar treats

The 88th Academy Awards are just 5 days away and the buzz is palpable. Leo! Leo! Leo! I am all aboard the Leo Oscar bandwagon this year, but I am not on board with people hosting Oscar viewing parties. This site decided it was a good idea to give its readers 13 different Oscar party recipes. Weee!

The first problem with this list is that the Academy Awards last somewhere between 17 and 18 hours, so 13 snacks is not enough for anyone to make it to the end. Maybe 13 snacks would be enough if they were all doused in alcohol and/or illegal substances so that the awards show would be less painful. 

Viewing parties for award shows of any kind are horrible. Viewing parties were created for one thing and one thing only: sporting events. Give me College Football, Super Bowl, or World Series viewing parties all day, hell, I'd even attend a World Series Of Poker get together before I'd willingly watch the Oscars. But I digress....here are some highlights from the list of snacks....

The first thing on the list is homemade kettle corn. Delish! The saying "get your popcorn ready" has never and will never apply to an award show. Popcorn is for entertainment. 

Marinated muscles are on the list. Putting this much effort into anything to eat during the Oscars is laughable. The Oscars are not going to take you home and get you, they are not worth marinated muscles. None of the rich people attending the show will be putting this much effort into their speeches either. 

Finally, little pizza turnovers. These things are damn delicious and if I were to host a birthday party for a fourth grader, I would make the shit out of these and shove them in kids smiling faces. You know what, these are Oscar viewing party appropriate. How's that for a 180?

You could also make any of these snacks for the next day when you wake up, take a dump, and check the Oscar results on your laptop.