Celebrity marathon times

Runners World compiled 40 celebrity marathon times, there are some hidden stories in this list that need to be addressed. 

Andrea Barber, 4:58:02 (Full House)

Alicia Keys, 5:50:52 (“Fallin”)

James Blake, 3:51:19 (Tennis)

Christy Turlington Burns, 3:46:35 (Supermodel)

Uzo Aduba, 5:01 (Orange Is The New Black)

Pamela Anderson, 5:41:03 (Baywatch, Sex Tape)

Drew Carey, 4:37:11 (The Price Is Right)

Kirk Acevedo, 3:00:08 (Oz)

Jennie Finch, 4:05:26 (Softball)

Joe Bastianich, 3:42:36 (Restaurant Startup)

Bobby Flay, 4:01:37 (Celebrity Chef)

Ben Gibbard, 3:56:34 (Death Cab For Cutie)

Tedy Bruschi, 4:47:44 (3x Super Bowl Champion)

Gordon Ramsay, 3:30:37 (Hell’s Kitchen)

Doug Flutie, 5:00:42 (Heisman Winner)

Summer Sanders, 3:17:05 (Swimmer)

Flea, 3:41:49 (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Bill Rancic, 4:31:31 (The Apprentice)

Teri Hatcher, 5:06:42 (Desperate Housewives)

Valerie Bertinelli, 5:14:37 (One Day At A Time)

Caroline Wozniacki, 3:26:33 (Tennis)

Apolo Ohno, 3:25:12 (Speed Skater)

Michelle Beadle, 6:08 (Sports Analyst)

Al Roker, 7:09:44 (Good Morning America)

Tiki Barber, 5:14:37 (Running Back)

Bryan Cranston, 3:20:45 (Breaking Bad)

Katie Holmes, 5:29:58 (The Gift)

Mario Lopez, 4:23:29 (Saved By The Bell)

Eddie Izzard, 5:00:30 (My Super Ex-Girlfriend)

Al Gore, 4:58:25 (Politician)

Shia LaBeouf, 4:35:31 (Even Stevens)

Sean Astin, 4:04 (Rudy)

Oprah, 4:29:15 (Gazilionarie)

Sean Combs, 4:14:54 (Biggie’s Friend)

Will Ferrell, 3:56:12 (Anchorman)

Ryan Reynolds, 3:50:22 (Deadpool)

Edward Norton, 3:48:01 (Fight Club)

George W. Bush, 3:44:52 (Former President)

Joe Strummer, 3:20 (The Clash)

A few things I would like to point out from this massive list. A lot of these times make zero sense regardless of the different courses. How did Ryan Reynolds, who has been cut since his Van Wilder Days, only best Will Ferrell by 6 minutes? Ferrell is not fat, but Deadpool must be doing too many lines because he dragged at least 40 pounds less than the funny man those 26.2 miles.

Being an athlete does not necessarily mean you are a runner. See Tiki Barber, Doug Flutie, Tedy Bruschi, Jennie Finch, and James Blake. Apparently theirs a rule that if you played in the NFL you are physically unable to break 5 hours in the marathon, unless you are the great Tedi Bruschi. I would also like to point out that Drew Carey ran faster than any NFL player. (Silence) I know he lost weight, but Jesus. 

I thought Pamela Anderson had better endurance than a 5:41, I mean she ran up and down a beach for 21 seasons of Baywatch and has been running up and down rock stars pants ever since. 

Gordon Ramsey ran 3:30, a very respectable marathon time and one which tells us that he is just as mad in real life. That anger propelled him the entire 26.2 miles.

Oprah breaking 5 hours may be one of the greatest athletic feats of the last 100 years. Considering her weights probability of fluctuating, that time is to be applauded. 

Katie Holmes gifted us one of the slowest times on this list, and this photo. STOP smiling ya snail. She can't act and she can't run. She will poke you in the eye with those nips though.