Truth is: dogs do indeed mirror their owners

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A little over 2 years ago when I walked into the Humane Society in Nashua, NH I had no idea what I was doing. Having never had a dog growing up, I knew I wanted one, and that was the only thing I was sure about that day. That, and I knew I didn't want an pure bred ass hole of a dog adorned in a sweater that liked to smoke cigars.  After a few walks and interactions with an interesting group of pooches, I ended up coming home with this.

Big, shedding, smelly dog for my first pet as I move out of the house......YUP!

But I quickly began to realize that the pooch was nothing short of a furry version of myself. Traits Abby and I share include but are not limited to...

1. Being relaxed/calm 99% of the time.

Abby NEVER barks, ever. You basically have to threaten her life to get a bark out of her. It's very hard to make me genuinely angry, very few people have seen me angry.....same.

2. Capable of making decisions/doing our own thing.

Abby is not afraid to do her own thing. There may be 25 dogs at the dog park, but if her little heart desires, you will find her by her lonesome in a grassy corner sniffing away at dirt. I am largely the same. Never enjoyed getting wasted in college with my friends, don't care for Pokemon Go.....same.

3. Love for people.

Both Abby and I love people. Abby sits on benches like she is a human and I enjoy getting to know new people whenever I get the chance.....same

4. Love for running.

The most common compliment Abby gets at the dog park/out in public (after "she's beautiful") is "she's fast for a big girl." I have done my fair share of running in my 25 years on this planet as well and I like to think I'm, never mind......same.

5.  Fearing dumb/irrational things.

Abby gets nervous around fireworks, loud music, or any other sudden loud noise. She somehow knows the difference between those noises and things like the radio or a blender, which she doesn't mind, but whatever. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't like being alone, elevators, or flying. You know what all of these things that Abby and I fear have in common? They are harmless, but none the less, create problems for us. 

Growing up, I always heard people say that dogs are like their owners. I never had a dog so I never really knew if that was true or not. Abby and I may not look the same appearance wise like the feeble old lady I see walking her 3 legged dog around my neighborhood, but we are largely the same when it comes to how we approach life.    

Listen to NFL stars talk about Tom Brady

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Tom Brady will always have his detractors. Living his life comes with people trying to find ways to bring him down to earth while all he's trying to do is be the greatest QB to ever live. Us normal people sit here and pick him apart, claiming a million ways to Sunday that he must be cheating or doing something wrong to be able to remain this good for this long.

While Deflategate bull&$%# marches on and fans of rival franchises continue to belittle his accomplishments and chalk them up to anything but his greatness, his NFL peers know what they are witnessing. They realize they will never see anything like Brady again. They are not afraid to go on the record and say he is a living legend. Don't take my word for it, take theirs.

The NFL does this rating thing each off season, like any list, it can be picked apart and debated. Last year at age 37 Brady was #3, this year at 38 years old he was #2. Keep betting against him people, do it.

The Eagles in San Diego looking like the cast of the next Adam Sandler movie

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Classic Eagles.

- Jordan Matthews looks like a man who has been working out nonstop this off season, good job guy. Let's hope those new muscles can help you hold on to some more footballs.

- Sam Bradford never ever goes anywhere without sleeves, even the beach. Would it kill him to get a little sun? I understand he is standing next to Matthews and is probably intimidated, but take the god damn LONG SLEEVE shirt off.

- Is that Gabrielle Union in the middle? That could very well be her next to that shorter version of D-Wade in the yellow tank top.

- Chase Daniel and his wife are not loving being in this photo

- Wentz looks like a kid who just got out of college. He needs to keep picking things up and putting them down. Tall-gangly-looking-dude.

- Finally you have Randle on the end just looking faded under those glasses. Between him and Metthews, the Eagles very well could lead the league in dropped passes in 2016.

The Eagles are going to stink this season. I don't care what anyone says. This photo is hilarious and shows me they are on the fast track to the bottom of the NFC East. I don't give a damn about them as a team, but this photo is worth a caption or two. 

Big ups to Big Vince

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Vince Wilfork can do whatever he wants with his football career, I will never root for anything but his success. Just an all around good guy by all accounts. He did his time with the Pats and won 2 championships before chasing dollars.

Let's celebrate Vince with today's release of ESPN's Body Magazine issue. Big Vince looking amazing on those pages. 

Sure, there are plenty of chiseled athletes in this years issue, but those chiseled bodies cannot hold a candle to big Vince. I don't care how many abs an athlete may have, Vince can put a fist right through them.

Vince says it himself, "I'm not a big fan of disrespect. Do whatever you want, but don't disrespect me. People can talk about me all they want, I'll never lose sleep."

Vince is a first class individual and I would be willing to bet that after football he slims down and looks like a brick shit house. I bet the guy is around 280 and jacked out of his mind.

In the meantime, if you want to say something about his physique, watch out for his forty inch arms that will probably knock your head off. 

PS. If his arms don't get you, his saint of a wife will.  

Thoughts on Durant

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Let me start off by saying that I have no problem at all with what Durant did. It was the 4th of July this weekend was it not? Is that not a celebration of our freedom to do with our lives what we wish? God Bless America. I'd rather live in a country where Durant can do whatever he wants than one where he has no say in his future.

Additional thoughts....

1. Durant left the Thunder in part because he was sick of coming up short. when you are as talented as Durant, coming up short does not sit well with fans/critics for long. But, by joining the 73 win Warriors, Durant will be under more pressure next season than he ever was in OKC.

2. The days of the Warriors being unanimously cheered everywhere they go are over. They will no longer be just a fun team to watch that everyone had a soft spot for. Not after this years finals incidents and the addition of Durant.

3. On paper, the Warriors now have what appears to be the most dangerous starting lineup an NBA team has ever put on the hardwood. As of now the Warriors also have almost no bench/depth for when the big 4 get sleepy during a game.

4. How come nobody is talking about the fact that David West may be on the most driven ring seeking journey of all time? The guy could have signed for a ton of money last off season, instead choosing to take almost nothing and play for the Spurs. Now that the Spurs lost, West joined the Warriors for almost no dollars in hopes of getting a shiny piece of jewelry. Crazy.

5. The Thunder need to trade Westbrook now. If they fail to do so before the trading deadline, they run the risk of getting nothing for him when he walks after this season. Westbrook is a weird guy, but I don't think he's weird enough to hangout in OKC and be a 5th seed forever.

6. Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Kevin Durant are all going to Rio this summer. I see this playing out one of two ways. First, these 3 Warriors will bond and slowly push Curry out of the circle of trust, creating chemistry problems on the court and dooming the season. Okay, maybe not dooming the season, but at least starting off slow enough to bring the critics out. The other scenario that could play out is Thompson, Green, and Durant all contract Zika during the Rio games and the Warriors are left with just Curry.

Who knows....I'm just happy Al Horford came to the C's to help out Isaiah Thomas!

China serving sewer shrimp

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"According to a Chinese publication called NetEase, vendors in Wuhan have been selling shrimp balls that are made from the most unsavory of seafood, processed in pretty much the most nauseating way possible.

The travesty begins when some of the shrimp that are handled in the markets of Baishizhou ended up in local sewers during cleaning and packaging. Scavenging seafood vendors have been scooping up these discarded sewer shrimp and—in order to make a fast renminbi—taking them to nearby public toilets. There, literally in the toilets, they sort the shrimp. Then, they use the dirty floor as a prep area where they combine the scavenged shrimp with other fish and form them into balls to be cooked and sold nearby—to the unsuspecting public. By adding other ingredients and turning the bathroom bounty into shrimp balls, the vendors are able to better mask the suspect origin of the sewer seafood." - Munchies

This is one of those stories that I really hope is fake. Those little shrimps are gross to begin with, let alone if they are being found on the grimy streets of China IN THE SEWERS. And then cleaned in public restrooms. For years we have been hearing about crazy shit happening in China, but this is right up their with the worst of those stories. 

I don't understand how anyone can get shrimp this way and actually serve it to another human. I know I couldn't. I don't care if I was broke and this was the only job available, its something that your brain says "no effing way" to and you turn that opportunity down. The people who are serving these shrimp are savages. There are a lot of jobs that I would never do based on interest and/or skills, but this is one that I would have to let common sense have a say.

I find it hilarious that these people think taking the shrimp they found in the sewers and washing them in a public bathroom is okay. They might as well take them from the sewer and place them directly on a plate for customers to eat. If there's a difference between the sewers and public bathrooms in China, I've yet to hear about it. I think they are one and the same. 

"Sewer shrimp, get ya sewer shrimp here."

Can the NFL suspend you and I?

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As of right now, both Tom Brady and Johnny Manziel are both scheduled to serve suspensions for the upcoming season. These suspensions are being served for VERY different reasons, neither of which are suspension worthy. Which begs the question.....can Roger Goodell suspend you and I from the upcoming season?

Manziel has not been on an NFL roster in months and judging by his social media feeds, is in no shape to even be asking for a chance or prayer to join an NFL team anytime soon. Nonetheless, he is suspended 4 games for the upcoming season.

Brady never did anything but beat the tar out of a ton of teams over the last few years. It's been more than 500 days since the game against the Colts and nobody has come forward with any credible evidence that Brady ever did anything to gain a competitive advantage. Nonetheless, he is suspended 4 games for the upcoming season.

This leads me to believe that there is actually more than a 0% chance that I will be suspended at some point during the upcoming NFL season. Sure, there's no rhyme or reason to suspend me from the NFL, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore. I'll just be sitting in my living room this season, watching some harmless professional football games, and I wouldn't be surprised if the TV cut out.

Maybe one Sunday night I am sitting on my couch and I decide I don't like the new Sunday Night Football song, so I start whining to the TV and cursing the NFL for the lame tune....and whammy! Black screen.

Why? Because "the powers that be" can suspend anyone they feel like, for any reason they feel like. 

FDA approves device that drains your stomach

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The AspireAssist will allow people to eat whatever they want and then drain 30% of the calories they just ate from their tummy. Basically mechanical bulimia. This is so weird, look at the photo rendering. 

AspireAssist works like this: In a 15-minute outpatient procedure, a surgeon implants a tube into a patient's stomach. The tube is connected to a valve that lies flush against the skin of the abdomen. Twenty to 30 minutes after every meal, the patient opens the valve and uses a connecting device to drain the stomach contents into a toilet. "The device removes approximately 30 percent of the calories consumed," the FDA said in announcing the approval on June 14.

How have I never heard of this thing? It's so dumb and unnecessary, but how has the word of this device not swept through the internet? Did I miss it? I feel like chicks will be all over this contraption.....anything to lose weight and eat shit!

Where exactly would someone drain their stomach? In public? Is this going to be the next breastfeeding in public type debate? And does this device make people hungry 24/7 since they are losing a third of everything they pump out? Will health care cover these procedures? I have a million questions about this device and since the FDA signed off on it, I should have the answered in 15-20 years.

This is an opening can of worms that is much larger than both human intestines tied together.  

Maybe in the future devices like this can help people who cannot workout in order to lose weight, that I can see being a successful implementation for the AspireAssist. But, for anyone who is able-bodied, get off your ass and work out.

Technology is crazy, and I am honestly surprised it's taken us this long to start to toy with what is basically an easy to use stomach siphon that will be available to everyone one day.

F&%@ this glass slide in LA

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The US Bank building in LA opened a glass slide last week that sits 1,000 feet above the city. File this under one of the most unnecessary "attractions" on earth today.

Who says you can't have fun at work? #skyspacela #glassslide #transformyourview #happyFriday

A video posted by Rina Hoshino (@rinahoshino333) on

Not sure I see anything about this slide that is attractive. The glass is 1.25 inches thick, which means nothing to me. Weren't the Titanic walls like 7 feet thick? That shit sank like a rock.

And don’t worry, the slide is perfectly safe. Lucy Rumantir, president and chief executive of the company that owns the building, told The Los Angeles Times that “the slide is strong enough to hang a school bus filled with people off of it.” That’s pretty darn strong.

Why is the owner of the building commenting on this slide's safety? Shouldn't some crazy science guy be doing that? And why do they know that the slide can fit a school bus full of kids on it. That actually makes me more nervous because if they tested that, they pushed this slide to its limits already and its ready to crack.

This slide is just like those observatories at all of the worlds tall buildings, not for me. Playground slides do the trick just fine, thank you very much. 

Congrats Carmelo

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When the Olympics kick off this summer, so will Carmelo Anthony's record setting climb to mediocrity. Melo will become the first USA basketball player to win 3 gold medals. Weeee!

Melo is one of a few NBA superstars who have decided to make the trip to Rio and risk Zika, and terrorists all for a(nother) gold medal.

FULL ROSTER:

Kyrie Irving

Harrison Barnes

Kevin Durant

DeMarcus Cousins

Draymond Green

Klay Thompson

Paul George

Kyle Lowry

DeMar DeRozan

Jimmy Butler

DeAndre Jordan

Carmelo Anthony

If that roster does not win the gold, it's rigged, and/or some of them died before the final round of competition. If I were any of these guys, I would never make the trip to Rio. They are all multi-millionaires and some of them NBA champs, why bother? There is way more to lose than there is to gain on the basketball court. Kyrie Irving should stay out at sea with his boats and hoes, basking in Cleveland's title.

Back to Melo. The guy is going to win, win, win this summer and then lose, lose, lose this upcoming NBA season. Because he wants the money more than he wants an actual world title (not the Olympic medal that they might as well hand to America now).

Congrats on your Olympic greatness Melo, and have fun with D-Rose and co. next season. You will never win a real world championship with the way the Knicks are currently constructed. 

The epitome of a young Boston sports fan

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This kid has big balls, and more importantly, massive passion for his NFL team of choice: The New England Patriots.  

Steve Smith has murdered grown men on the field for less than what this kid said during his camp. I love the passion and I love the fact that this kid still doesn't realize he almost didn't see his 15th birthday. Blind love for your favorite sports team is one of the greatest traits a kid can grow up with. It's the reason that Boston has so many dedicated fans, we groom them from a young age to be fearless winners. And you know what lots of dedicated, fearless fans leads to? Championships on the field.  

Kan Jam Gronk is here

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For those about to Gronk, we salute you.

How this is different from any old set of Kam Jam you can buy (or make) beats me. But the commercial for it is so bad that its worth a watch. Kan Jam is a great game and a lot of fun with a few brews and friends, but the hype of this video is unrealistic. It is the summer of Gronk though and we are all just pawns in his world. Here's to summer 16.