Danny McBride roasting Michael Phelps is awesome

My favorite part about the Call Of Duty franchise since I graduated college and realized the game is a massive time suck and not worth the money has been the live action trailers featuring a handful of movie stars.

The franchise has topped itself once again with the live action trailer for the newly released Infinite Warfare title. The "Teammate Talk" clip puts Michael Phelps and Danny McBride on the same team and.....action! 

These last few weeks of bad football have all been leading up to this Thursday

This Thursday is the annual Jaguars v. Titans Thursday night football game. The game where every football fan jumps on the "Thursday Night Football is awful" bandwagon, (if they haven't already) while they still watch the terrible games on Thursday night.

Titans: Coming into this season, I thought Marcus Mariota may actually be a good QB. He was efficient last season and usually second year QB's come back showing improvement. Granted, he has a weak supporting cast, but it has not been pretty for anyone in a Titans uniform including Mariota through seven weeks. 

Jaguars: Blake Bortles was never good and he still stinks. Last season he padded the crap out of his stats in games that were over on the scoreboard. He's worse this season, and it's not close. The Jags still stink, still. Bring on Thursday night!

Last nights Cardinals Seahawks game was hard for fans to watch, but this Thursday's will be even worse, despite the fact that the scoreboard will not reflect that to be the case.

Let's take a look at the Thursday night games we have been blessed with thus far....

Week 1: Panthers v. Broncos - The Broncos proved that although Peyton Manning retired they still have a great defense and still have a humongous horseshoe up their ass allowing them to recover every turnover on the field. Broncos win 21-20. 

Week 2: Jets v. Bills - 11 interceptions ago, Ryan Fitzpatrick played lights out and made everyone believe this may be the year for the Jets....seems like that was forever ago, doesn't it? Jets win 37-31.

Week 3: Pats v. Texans - Belichick made his former OC shit his pants, beating the tar out of the Texans with JACOBY BRISSETT in the Qb's first NFL start ever. Pats win 27-0.

Week 4: Bengals v. Dolphins - The Dolphins cement their status as a mess (by not letting Jay Ajayi play), and everyone realizes that the Bengals may not be that good either. Bengals win 22-7.

Week 5: 49ers v. Cardinals - The cardinals do not play well, but the Niners are so bad it doesn't matter. SB51 seems like a long shot for the Cards and the Niners may not win more than 3 games. Cards win 33-21.

Week 6: Chargers v. Broncos - The game where the Broncos finally come to the realization that Manning is gone. Rivers and the Chargers are the best bad team of all time with an offense that can score with anyone. Broncos may need help at QB? Chargers win an "upset" 21-13.

Week 7: Titans v. Jaguars -  ????

Brady's Back

1. We finally got to see the entire Pats offense on display. Although there are no doubt many tweaks and adjustments to come, with Brady back, the NFL got to see everything the Pats have to offer from a personnel standpoint. Gronk was not just a blocker, Edelman was not just a safety valve, and Hogan was not an afterthought.

2. Speaking of Hogan.....the Pats have not had anything like him for the last 5+ years. From what I can see, a lot of teams do not respect his speed and end up letting him get behind them. This was not a problem when Brady was not behind center, but now....

3. That throw tells you everything you need to know about Brady's arm, it's doing just fine. He has never been the best deep ball thrower in the league, and he doesn't have to be. If he can hit on 1 or 2 of these passes to Hogan a game that's a huge stress on the opposing defense that is also attempting to cage Marty and Gronk.

4. The bash bro's are ready to start rolling. While Gronk nursed a hammy pull, Bennett went off and proved he was a magnificent off season pickup by the Pats. Now that he and Gronk are able to share the same field, teams will have to pick their poison....you can only double one of them. 

5. James White looks so much better than he did last year. He looks shiftier and hopefully when Dion Lewis returns they can split the snaps and taqke some of the pressure off Lewis who has an injury history. Blount has looked awesome so  far this season as well, best he's ever looked in a Pats uniform. 

6. Now that the offense appears to be clicking, its the defenses turn to do the same. The first scoring drive Cleveland was able to put together this past Sunday was alarming, and the red zone defense has to be one of the worst in the league. Every time the opposing team gets into the red zone they get 6 points, that's not going to fly. I have faith, but they need to put together an entire game before I believe fully.

Welcome back GOAT, welcome back. 

#Truth - get your jaws off the ground fellas

Huge shout out to Erin Bailey for her article titled What Do We Deserve. One of the realest articles I've read in quite some time. If you have yet to read it, the link is above. I'm not going to explain it, as it needs to be read in its entirety. 

Erin is 100% right in everything she says about being a female at the gym, out for a run, or doing any other form of exercise. As someone who spent 12 years running on co-ed cross country teams, watching girls you run with day after day get stared at, hit on, or made fun of for what they are (or are not) wearing was always a part of the culture.

Now that I am no longer part of a school sanctioned cross country team, I get to see the same male behavior towards women every time I go to the gym to workout. I could go to the gym wearing shorts that barely cover my man parts, an American flag bandanna, lime green running shoes, and a shirt with holes for my nipples to pop through and I may get a single weird look or double take, maybe.

But, if a girl wears anything and I mean anything (including socks) that are tight, short, colorful, or different, they might as well be walking around naked. Its not only the really fit girls this applies to, its all girls who are working out with the guys. Any female that is at the gym or out on a run, doing yoga, or anything, deserves the same amount of respect that any man at the gym working out with his boys gets. This is not a feminism thing, its a respect thing. Everyone should feel safe working out, no matter where they choose to do so.

I'm not going to sit here and act like I never look if a beautiful girl walks by while I am at the gym or on a run, but you will never see me with my mouth wide open because a girl is wearing a pair of yoga pants, or attempting to get a girls number while she is in the middle of her own respective workout. Save that look for your bedroom. Get numbers at a bar or other social function. Lift up your jaw, and keep lifting your weights.

The GOAT turns 39 today

Even though Tom Bray's 39th birthday gift from the NFL is a bogus 4 game suspension, jokes on them. At the ripe age of 39 the best player to ever touch a football is going to get a 4 week rest for his old bones while getting angrier and angrier as he rips passes to Randy Moss and Wes Welker in his backyard. So, thanks NFL.

You can have you Manning or Rodgers or Wilson or Newton or Luck, I'll take Brady any day twice a day before any of them. No other QB could have done what he did in the 4th quarter of Super Bowl 49. None. Each and every one of those other "elite" QB's I just mentioned would have stood zero chance at winning Super Bowl 49 down 2 TD's against that defense. 

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. No matter their age. TB12 is the GOAT, he could die tomorrow, never play another down and this would hold true. But, this is Touchdown Tommy we are talking about. Mr. 199. Keep counting him out.

Happy 29th, TB12!

F*^$ these people who got married in mid-air

Cosmo - Both hiking enthusiasts, Zedhir and Reshma met each other while trekking outdoors and wanted to honor the roots of their love when it was time to tie the knot. Dressed in traditional Indian wedding attire, the couple was suspended 90 meters in the air, or almost 300 feet, using a series of ropes and pulleys (side note: do they make wedding harnesses?). From that height, they carried out the ceremony in full, including exchanging garlands.

What a bunch of assholes. No doubt these 2 deserve one another. There are a billion different ways you can decide to tie the knot, this is one of the many garbage options. Wouldn't these 2 have been just as happy getting married atop a skyscraper? I don't care how much they like to hike with one another and hold hands, theirs no way dangling in the air while saying your vows is comfortable. Was the reception also in mid-air? 

Even if this ceremony was 30 seconds long, who attended? Were their parents on the ground with binoculars looking up, thinking "good riddance?" Maybe they just used the cameramen for witnesses? Either way, it's clear the only reason they went about this charade was for the publicity. 

I think for their honeymoon, they should be required to remain 300 feet in the air at all times. It's only right. They now need to spend a week dangling above the beautiful tropical island that normal people who get married on the ground get to go and play on. 

Why do people do things like this?  

James Harrison throwing his kids

So they had to settle for this😅 Henry

A video posted by James Harrison (@jhharrison92) on

I forget how old James Harrison is, but he's not young. Yes, he plays in the NFL and has for a long time, but it seems to me that maybe he did indeed dabble in some performance enhancing drugs this off season? How else can anyone explain how he can throw his kids 100 feet in he air? These James Harrison tosses are much higher than any diving board I've ever been on. For being known as a nasty, workout warrior of football player,  at least Harrison appears to be a good father.

Do you Pokemon Go?

Having already posted about Pokemon Go! I am risking overkill with this latest blog, but my experience "playing" Pokemon Go! is different from the millions of kids who have become consumed. So, why not...

Every day at work I can look out the window and witness kids of all ages and backgrounds walking, aimlessly staring at their phones, chasing the mythical creatures that don't exist. My dog Abby comes to work with me most days and I have to walk her every few hours, allowing me to get in close contact with the Pokemon Go! players that are hovering around the building.

When Abby and I pass someone we suspect to be playing, Abby goes for the leg sniff while I say, "hey man, you playing Pokemon?" I get the same response every time, "yes!" With a smile, followed by, "Are you playing?" Or "have you seen a (insert Pokemon name I've never heard.)"

I reply with another smile and, "no, what?" Which is met with a few laughs and the Pokemon players going about their hunt. This interaction all happens within seconds and if I am lucky the Pokemon player uses a millisecond to look up and acknowledge that I exist in real life, not on his or her phone screen. It's all crazy to me.

 I am a little surprised that this game still has legs. I figured people would realize that there is no real way to "catch em all" and they would drop the game and move onto the next hot app of the week. Still waiting for that to happen as I write this blog. 

Not sure what is weirder in 2016, a 90's video game coming back to life, or having the 2 politicians with the all-time lowest approved ratings running head-to-head for a chance to be the leader of the free world. 

PS. Rumor is Hollywood studios are clamoring for the rights to a Pokemon Movie. That will be a massive blockbuster bust. Guaranteed. Book it. 

Deflategate is over

With one quick Facebook post, TB12 ended the longest, dumbest, most picked apart, over blown, dog shit, lunacy, crime filled, sports saga of all time.

Brady will return to the field Oct. 5th in Cleveland Ohio, the newly crowned "city of champions" (fitting), to take on the Cleveland Browns. 

Moment of silence for the Cleveland Browns who will feel the wrath of the greatest football player to ever throw a spiral on the fateful day of Oct. 5th, 2016.

ESPY moments

I did not watch the ESPY's, nor do I believe I missed anything. But, because of social media, I wake up and get to see videos like these. 

Love the digs at the NFL and Gronk and Margo may be the hottest potential couple of all time. Glad I did not watch this live. ESPN stinks.

Pokemon Go is the perfect Asian dating app

Pokemon Go has taken over the world. As I sit at work and watch kids walk around the parking lot staring down at their smart phones while trying to "catch em all," I can't help but think of a better use for this app: Finding true love.

If millions of people are going to be walking around, using the geo-location feature on their phones, and catching pretend anime creatures, why can't these people find soul mates in the process? Asian people are smart, and the Asians that invented this Pokemon Go disaster are no exception. Name a better way for 2 young, socially awkward Asian teens to interact and begin a relationship. You can't.

Here's how Pokemon Go should really work. Forget the dumb anime 90's creatures from the past. Let everyone who want's to play this crap create a username. Then, instead of searching for Pokemon, people will be searching for human companions.

On the map, usernames would show the option to be selected. Once selected, a profile would appear and the player who is in pursuit can decide whether he or she would like to "catch" the player, using a Pokeball of course.

Once 2 players have caught one another, they would begin to chat, most likely about their favorite Pokemon characters. At least with Pokemon Go as a dating app, players know that anyone they will catch will love Pokemon too. This will allow them to avoid some of the awkward conversations during the beginning of their relationship.

Once paired up, the 2 players will continue to play the Pokemon Go game as a team. They will no longer show up on the map and will both hunt Pokemon together until they catch them all and live happily ever after. 

If the couple ever decides to split, both parties get put back onto the map as available usernames for others to match with.  

Instead of having groups of people who are not talking to one another as they dabble in virtual reality, this allows players to have some human interaction, team up, and show their love for Pokemon. It's like a live action dating app.

As it stands, Pokemon Go is so stupid. I just solved it. Boom.